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Y'all whine and Corporate Assets (1985) porn movie in HDcomplain about the internet, but when it comes down to it, you watch those five second viral videos every damn time.

I'm not passing judgement. I'm just reporting the facts: viral videos remain the best thing to come out of this poisoned well. How can you not laugh at a toddler brandishing a knife? Is there anything more emotionally satisfying than watching Maxine Waters reclaim her time from this petty Ivy League pariah -- and then have the moment transformed into gospel?

2018 blessed us with a bountiful viral video harvest. It is time for us to relish the fruits.

These are the best viral videos of 2018.

1. The bird who photobombed a live weather report

Why would you want to look at this sweeping view of the Bay area when you can instead stare into the death grip of this aerial predator?

2. The little girl who discovered we don't live inside the earth but on the surface

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I also don't love the idea that we're living on top of a crust. Crust is for pies, not territory!

3. The Tic-Tac-Toe-pocalypse

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Like many of you, I struggle to watch a video longer than thirty seconds, but this one is worth it for the delightful incompetence alone.

4. This corgi who took a ride on a tiny horse

Why walk on some secondhand polyester leash when you can gallop in the heavenly moonlight on a tiny pony?

5. Gladiator Drag queen Elsa pushed a goddamn police truck out of the show

Part of me loathes this video, because the filmmakers should have done more helping and less laughing. Still, it's a marvel to watch with the audio and your conscience turned off.

6. This tiny yodeling superstar

It's rare nowadays for viral videos to launch anyone into stardom. Alas, there's still a market for at least one hidden talent: yodeling. After Mason Ramsey launched into a yodeling solo at a Walmart in April, he got picked up for an album and even performed at Coachella.

7. We have this grandma to thank for Mexico beating Germany in the World Cup

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She sent thoughts and prayers and was actually rewarded.

8. The great Yanny/Laurel crisis of 2018

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The internet suspended their sadness for a day in May after this clip went viral. Listeners either heard "Yanny" or "Laurel," two words with seemingly little phonetic similarity.

9. Hermione, dancing queen

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Talk all the shit you want about Harry Potter, but don't you dare disrespect Kelly Ellison, who vogued the crap out of this.

10. Violence against Peppa the Pig

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This is medieval entertainment and it's wrong.

11. When a dog detective just couldn't crack the case

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A pet owner magician never reveals their secrets.

12. "Not ugly, just different" cat scares local man

The cat, Wilfred Warrior, is a real Chinchilla Persian. Comedian Michael Rapaport plays the part of the traumatized Brooklyn macho man.

13. The dog who struggles with screen door perception

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Who among us -- human or canine -- hasn't struggled with the very same problem?

14. The President of the United States of America does not know how to close an umbrella

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My heart goes out to that poor umbrella left out and open in the rain.

15. And finally, the lizard dinner date gone wrong

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Thank you to all who made this year of viral artistry possible: the lizards, the dogs, the birds, the Peppa the Pigs, and even -- against all odds -- the humans.

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